It’s been 365 days since you’ve been gone. I spent a year missing you. A year regretting the things I never said, or the actions I never showed. A year of wondering if you really knew how loved you were.

It’s been 365 days since we were walking home from the park, scrolling through Facebook when I saw the news. A year since I didn’t believe the words across my screen as an uncle typed “Yes, your Dad. I’m so sorry.”

My dad.

My. . . Dad. 

It’s been 365 days since the Earth stopped spinning. The world went eerily silent. My soul went incredibly dark. It’s been a year of feeling an emptiness that no one seems to fill.

It’s been a year since I’ve lost my dad and I wish I could say it gets easier but the truth is, it doesn’t. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t sit and wonder if things would have been different if I brought him a plate of food on Christmas. Or if I hunted him down and found where he was staying, I maybe could have saved him. I’ve spent 365 days wondering “what if?”.

To the rest of the world, today’s just another day. But today I get to relive that moment over and over. Remembering your memory is all that’s left of you here.

I love you Daddy. Missing you always.